Maximum Ride Bloopers!
by OceanMist9
Summary: A trilogy of one-shots...silly, random stories about the Maximum Ride characters. Warning: Contains spoilers from MR5. Stories: Tattoo, Molting, and To Swim with Fishes. If you haven't laughed while reading it, you probably missed the point.
1. Blooper One! Tattoo

**This is written by Misthorse.**

**Here is my collection of Maximum Ride mini-stories. They have nothing to do with each other, but are just kinda for fun. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: James Patterson, (not me!) owns Maximum Ride and its characters.**

Tattoo

I swept my dirty-blonde hair up into a sloppy attempt at a bun and looked over my shoulder into the mirror in Dr. Martinez's...er, my mom's bathroom.

"Nudge, does this look okay?" Yes, that's right. I'm asking a nine-year old for fashion advice. But then again, I'm not exactly what you'd call fashion-forward. I mean, I can't even tell Chanel from Corvette! (Hmm...that didn't sound right...oh, whatever.) The point is, I was going on my third-ever date, and my second one with Fang, so I needed to look at least somewhat presentable. I turned to Nudge. "So?" She was standing there with her mouth forming a shocked O. "That bad, huh?" I sighed and reached for the ponytail holder to take it out and start over. Again.

"No, Max, it's your, uh, your..." Nudge sounded like she had something stuck in her throat.

"Nudge?" I prompted. "Something wrong?" Instantly, I did a 360, taking a careful mental check of the general vicinity. Nothing seemed out of place, except my hair. So what was the problem? Then, I saw. Nudge was pointing a shaky finger at my neck. In the mirror I could just make out some faint numbers. **4-1-09.** My expiration date.

* * *

I did a double take. No! It couldn't be! Not now, not just when things were getting (somewhat) better! Suddenly, the room started to swirl around me, and I was vaguely aware of Fang slipping into the room as everything went black.

* * *

Two hours later, I work up in a cold sweat lying on a bed in the guestroom. I glanced at the clock on the dresser. The letters glowed 8:45pm onimously. I was still in a state of shock. This couldn't be happening. My worst nightmare (and trust me, if you think YOURS are bad...) was coming true. Right here, right now.

That was March 31, 2009.

* * *

The next morning, I awoke to see the Flock huddled around my bed with solemn faces. Nudge looked like she was holding back tears. Ella and Angel were crying, Total was sobbing hysterically, Iggy was silent, and Fang was blending into the background, but I sensed his presence. Jeb and my mom were absent, along with Gazzy. I suspected my mom was comforting the latter, and that he'd show up eventually. As for Jeb, well, he probably had no reason to care. Suddenly, the Gasman himself comes barreling into the room, screeching his head off...laughing?! Everyone turned to glare at him, but then he dumps a small black object in my lap, along with a piece of paper. I glance down at it, confused. Was this some sort of...parting gift? I pick it up, and read the label on the side. _**Uber Tattoo. Easy and fun! Fool your friends! **_Huh? What was this? Something is nagging me, but I can't quite place it. Gazzy looks practically ecstatic, and I notice him exchange a not-so-secret look with Ig.

"Try it on the paper!" Gazzy exclaims. Wondering why I'm doing this, I press the stamper-like object to the page. The wet, dripping ink has formed...numbers?

**4-1-09.**

What the...Everything suddenly clicks into place.

"GAZZY!" several voices yell at once, including mine.

"April Fools!" he shrieks, joined by Iggy.

"IGGY!" we all yell again.

"Where did you get this?!" I demanded. The guilty party exchanges another Look. "Gazzy and Iggy, you better tell me RIGHT NOW!" I use my best Angry Leader voice, but the partners-in-crime leap out the open window, unfurling their wings hard in unison. The rest of us bird kids (and one flying dog) soon take chase after them. Boy, were they in for it!!!


	2. Blooper Two! Molting

**Misthorse returns to write about the Flock again! Note: This has nothing to do with Tattoo. It is NOT a continuation. Instead, it is another mini-story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride or the characters.**

_Molting_

I stumbled downstairs, blearily rubbing my eyes. I groaned as I walk into the kitchen, seeing the entire Flock (and my mom) already sitting down for breakfast. Great. I'd slept late AGAIN. What was with me lately? Sighing, I walked into the kitchen...and stopped. My family (and not-quite-family) are all staring at me with shocked expressions.

"What is it?" I ask grumpily.

"Wow...." Nudge giggles.

"Holy smokes!" shrieks Gazzy.

"What's happening?!" Iggy asks. Nobody answers him, and he mutters something about having no respect for the blind.

"Whoa, dude." Fang stutters. (Remind me to lecture him later on the fact that I AM NOT A "DUDE"!) Now I'm seriously annoyed. What the heck is so surprising? My mom gets up from her chair and steps over to me.

"Max, honey? Are you feeling alright?"

"Uh, yeah." I answer. "Why is everyone freaking out?"

"Turn around," my mom says gently. I cautiously turn to look. At first, I don't exactly get what I'm seeing. A trail of white feathers cascades down the stairs and leads to...me? Oh, snap. I realize I'm losing feathers. This new piece of information causes me to do something very un-Max-like. I scream. Instantly, the Flock surrounds me.

"Max, don't worry! You'll be fine." Angel says.

"I'm sure they'll grow back!" Nudge comments.

"I can't believe it..." says Gazzy in amazement.

"You actually screamed." remarks Fang, who, by the way, has an irritating smirk on his face that I'd love to wipe off.

"Why won't anyone tell me what's going on!?" yells Iggy, who stomps off in a huff, then stops suddenly when his bare feet brush against my feathers on the floor. "These are feathers! And they're white!" he says, looking very proud of himself to have figured this out. Then, a look of astonishment registers on his face. I can practically see the wheels turning in his brain. "They're YOUR feathers!" he says.

"No, duh! Ever wonder why I screamed just now?" I snap sarcastically. Immediately, I feel bad. I shouldn't take this out on Iggy. It's not his fault. Instead of apologizing like I probably should, I turn to my mom.

"Mom, what's going on?" My mother is standing there with a half amused, half surprised smile on her face. What? Why is she smiling? This isn't very funny!

"Max, you're molting. It's nothing to worry about. All birds do. I guess it makes sense you would too, seeing as you, well, have wings." my mom says as she lets out a little chuckle.

Oh. A wave of relief washes over me. Then something occurs to my still-in-shock mind.

"Why hasn't this happened before?"

"Well, typically, a fledgling bird will molt for the first time once it's fully grown. With you and your family," my mom pauses to gesture to the rest of the Flock, "it's something that can't truly be predicted to occur at a given time. My guess is that all of you will do it eventually, but I suppose you, Max, being the oldest, would naturally be the first one to." my mom explains. Wow. Now THIS was a new one. Somehow, it strikes me as funny that I'm surprised about it. I mean, I have no reason to be. I've seen much stranger things. Then I remember that I actually _screamed_ about this. Oh, goodness. Can there be anything more embarrassing? I can be experimented on, attacked by evil scientist-created bots, captured by aforementioned evil scientists, separated from the ones I care about, but I scream at a perfectly natural occurrence. Sometimes I just crack myself up. Then, that's exactly what I do. Once I start laughing, I can't stop. Pretty soon, the Flock is laughing with me, and we all stand there in the kitchen gasping for breath. That is, until my half-sister, Ella, comes down for breakfast. She takes one look at the feathers, and blurts out a very logical question.

"Did I miss the pillow fight?" she asks accusingly.

"P-p-p-pillow fight?" I gasp, choking back another peal of laughter. This only causes the Flock to start cracking up all over again. Something tells me I won't hear the end of this one anytime soon.


	3. Blooper Three! To Swim With Fishes

**And finally, I present you with:**

**MAXIMUM RIDE BLOOPER No. 3!**

**This is the last of my MR Bloopers, as it was meant to be a trilogy of one-shots, if you will. I may write more in the future, but for now, I'm calling it finished. This particular one takes place during MAX while they are on the submarine.**

**~Misthorse**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine....nothing...**

To Swim With Fishes

Angel was doing her pleading eyes at me. I groaned. Why was it that during the middle of a possibly life-threatening mission she wanted to use our free time to go swimming? This wasn't really the best time...but try telling that to a six year old.

"Max, it is a good time!" Have I mentioned six-year old mind readers can be just a _teeny_ bit irritating? I reluctantly gave in, remembering the last time I'd swam underwater using my gills. It had been a strange feeling, yes, but pretty exhilarating, too. And we know how I'm a big fan of exhilaration, what with the being able to fly and all.

"It _is_ exhilarating, Max," Angel blurted out cheerfully.

"Get out of my head!" I hollered irritably, stomping down the narrow steps of the submarine to the air lock compartment.

"Hey scientist folks-we're going for a swim!" I yelled in the general direction of the living quarters, not bothering to wait for someone to come and tell me not to. They should know by now that I don't really take anybody's orders. As we slipped into the warm water of the bay, my gills kicked in, bubbles gliding out the sides of my neck every few seconds or so.

_Max, come over here! I want to show you something. _Angel's voice murmured through my head as she backpedaled away from me, setting off streams of bubbles racing around her blond hair. I followed, hoping the "something" wasn't anything dangerous. We swam along for a while, and even I had to admit the bright, turquoise water was a sight to see. Finally, we came to a mass of feathery seaweed. Angel motioned for me to follow her through it. Fingers crossed, I glided through. What awaited me on the other side made my mouth drop open in shock. Stretching in front of us was a monsterous coral reef, teeming with waving plants and colorful fish. Angel grinned a self-satisfied smile, but I was too in awe to care.

_Cool, huh? And watch this! _Angel's voice was in my head, but when I turned around to watch, she wasn't there. My breathing sped up. My senses went on alert. I should have known better than to take Angel outside of the safety of the sub. Thinking maybe she had gone through the wall of seaweed again, I peeked through. No Angel. I swam around the reef, too frustrated to pay attention to any of its beauty. Where could she had gone in such a short split second? What if someone-or something-had grabbed her and taken her away? Panic was starting to set in, and I fervently wished I had Fang by my side. A school of fish swam by me, yellow and blue scales winking in the sunlight that filtered down from the sky above. Thinking about the sky made my wings twitch.

_Angel! _I called with my mind, trying to put as much scream into my thought as I could.

_Ow, Max! Don't yell._ Angel! A flood of relief washed through me.

_Where are you, missy? _I sternly thought-asked.

_Look at the school of fish again._ I turned to look. Suddenly, one of the fish detached itself from the group and swam up to my face. It smiled at me. I double-taked. Wait...it just _smiled at me?!_ Getting a sinking feeling about this, I watched the fish as it grew larger and larger, before it materialized into Angel. I groaned.

_I got a new power, Max!_ The real Angel grinned at me happily. So not only could Angel breathe underwater, fly, read minds, and transform herself into a bird-of-paradise, among other things, she could turn into a fish. Why was I even surprised? Next thing I knew she was going to sprout wings. Oh wait, that's right, she already did. I rolled my eyes and sighed. What next for me and my crazy life?


End file.
